He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
well most of my day revolves around power hour
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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