I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
