I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I am spending my child support on dildos
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
