I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize