Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
