Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
