I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
