I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
my sisters under your porch take her home
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Randomize
