also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
As shirtless as possible
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
