I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
We had to coat check the pizza.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
