Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
