Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
im drinking this country out of the recession.
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
