Sorry, I don't speak sober.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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