I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
