i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Please don't give away my fajitas
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