I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
