I want to stick my p in your. b.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
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