She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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