Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
