I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
