It's Friday. Sex?
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
