So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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