Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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