my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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