hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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