His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Randomize
