you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
