Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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