Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
