I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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