Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
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