I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
