There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
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