i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
