I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
