OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
