Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
