Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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