You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
