dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
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