I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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