According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
