I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Randomize
