I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
