9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
