i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
ttyl tear gas
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
