he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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