dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
