I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
