sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Randomize
