it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
