I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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