Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Randomize
