god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
