She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
