Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
