i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
