the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
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