I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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