woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
