goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
