After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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