I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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