New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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