you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Randomize