I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
