he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
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