I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize
